Dear Heretics and Fruitcakes

Eight years ago I was a fishing widow! That is until the day I could smell rotting mackeral upstairs and had been assured by nearest and dearest that he had not caught anything the last time he went fishing - but I could recognise the smell of fish anyway being a pisces!!! He’d left some of his bait festering in the bag - the cats thought they were in heaven!

Anyway 2 weeks before the trip to Poland you could cut the air with a knife at 257 with the anticipation of it all. This was marginally tainted by the fact that 1 week before Al was still unsure if he was going. There was me encouraging him and praying to god at every available minute that the confirmation and tickets would come through in time. I wanted to have the bed and the opportunity to watch crap TV to nyself for a change. My prayers were answered and at 5.00am on Sunday 3rd June 2007 myself and our 9 year old daughter Phoebe enthusiastically waved Daddy off into the taxi. First opportunity for crap TV and guess what was on…………………..COUNTDOWN - 5.30am what an ungodly hour to have Carol Vorderman forced on you!!!!! I decided to go back to bed and catch up on my well earned beauty sleep - not that I need it of course you understand but I’ve had a hard 16 years of late!!!!!

Life merrily went on for the next couple of days until I checked the GP’s (guinea pigs). You see we’d had to have them neutered a couple of weeks beforehand as they were playing(!) not very nicely and no they weren’t fighting, but let’s just say it’s not the kind of behaviour you expect to see from a child’s pets - well not in front of her anyway!

Picture by Lot

Poor Paddy and Banderos had had a increase in the size of their privates due to infection. So off I trailed to the vet with my trusty GP’s in my hands only to find out that I had to self medicate for the next couple of weeks which included administering antibiotics and “massaging” the areas concerned! My work colleagues thought this was rather hilarious and pittied me for the lengths of entertainment I would go to with my husband being away!

Weekly entertainment consisted of (other than the above) The Apprentice, Mary Queen of the Shops (or whatever she calls herself) and occasional blasts of Big Brother - why on earth did they think a house full of women would be entertaining?

Sunday 10th June 2007 - he’s back. Normality resumes at 257 - this time though the smell is of mud laden trousers and rotting socks! Thank goodness he buried his boots somewhere in Poland! First night Al decided to cook (that’s unusual) and we had scrabbled eggs, black pudding, gherkins, tomatoes followed by a warm Tyski! Thank god for The Atkins diet! More smells followed the next morning but I won’t go into those- just keep the bears where they belong! Please speak to Al for an interpretation of this!

A week and a half on I can say it’s been a pleasure hearing time and again about your exploits with Mr Brzeski and thanks for the introduction to Tyski (cold at last) and Cherry Vodka! When can you arrange another trip?? I have an urge that will not go away……………….. and it’s nothing to do with the GP’s.

In case you’re wondering - they are now doing fine - checked them this evening (yes I’m still at it) and am pleased to report that Banderos no longer needs a massage and I think Paddy will be complete in a day or so. But having said that he really likes me these days!

I’m now a brick widow but as you can tell I have encountered other things in my life, talents I wasn’t aware I had! So I do thank Ania et al for this wonderful opportunity! My career prospects have now hit wonderous heights - who else can say they can do what I can!! Answers on a postcard please!

Look forward to meeting you all one day soon and if invited I’m sure Paddy and Banderos would like to meet their fans. Please find attached rather a cute picture of them - this was before I got my hands on them!!!!!!!

And before any of you start thinking I’m stark raving bonkers - you only had to put up with him for a week!!!!

Regards Lot